Two months.

It's been two months since our little Angel was miscarriaged, and I haven't been able to write anything about this. Dah cuba, but I always ended up cry myself to sleep. Esok pagi, bangun tido and I always got these red puffy eyes. Happens weekly, no questions ask. Cause I miss to have and to feel the precious one inside my tummy..it's our baby, our lil Angel :'( cause sometimes I still have my what ifs..what ifs..and what ifs..

Sebenarnya, we knew we were miscarriaged a week before the natural miscarriage terjadi (23rd April 2011). It was our first visit to KPJ, meeting Dr Philip, and I can't help but to cry my heart out bila the doc cakap our baby was not growing anymore. And according to my first UPT, our baby should be dah 4 months at that time. Oh kasehnya.. My hubby and me just keep silence of this diagnose. And at the same time, I still keep googling for any possiblities and opinions from friends and sources I can found, if the doctor ever misdiagnosed. Hmm..tinggi nya harapan ketika itu..Tapi semuanya Allah dah tentukan, apa yang dipinjamkan harus dikembalikan.With hubby by my side, I learn to redha, step by step. No, worse. It was bits by bits. And when finally the miscarriage happened naturally, it was only my hubby and me at home. Everyone left for vacay in KL. I did whine how the cramping of my uterus was hurt me badly, like it was the most horrible pain that I ever felt. But Alhamdulillah, hubby keep reminding me untuk redha dengan apa terjadi. And thanks to his effort and strength, hubby memang keep accompanying me back and forth from toilet to bed at that time.  though I knew deep inside, he must be scared of the amount of blood I shed on that particular day.

Thanks Hubby, awaklah cinta saya dunia dan akhirat.

Baeklah, till here..cause I still rasa it was not easy to write.

I miss my guardian angel, my hubby

and our lil angel, our baby :')