Monday, September 30, 2013

What to expect from my hiatus?

It's been a long while since I update anything at this blog
Kesian, she was abandoned :P

Well friends, if you ask..I am well, alive but sometime feeling like a grandma now but life is at its best now I believe :) For many obvious reasons, the super up and down of life within April-September 2013. 

Here's a brief update, in case me myself forgot what had happened in 2013 later on. Baboness alert plis!

April 2013- 
On TTC, I finally conceived for 3rd time lepas kawen :P I believed this pregnancy was meant to be the one. 

May 2013- 
Midst of May, I received an unexpected call from our Jabatan, offering me to be transferred from school to the office. I said "Yes!!" at the first "proposal". My offer letter came late in May, during our final day of schooling before the first term break. I left my school and my students (happily) without proper goodbye, sebab sungguh last minute. My future boss needed me to report duty soonest possible. Tak sabar nau @_@ 

So happy sebab finally boleh tengok muka my Dear Hubby (DH) setiap hari --I am his no.1 fan gittew. And of course, living under one roof. Yay! Finally, after almost 3 years of LDM.

June 2013-
I was like 9 weeks pregnant, but IT happened again this time. My third miscarriage was on DH's birthday :( Luckily, it was happened during Gawai holidays, so I did not apply for any sick leave. Malu nak cuti sebab baru seminggu kerja at new workstation. But sebelum miscarriage, sempat pergi makan at seafood and celebrated DH's birthday. I insisted to celebrate his birthday although terpaksa hid the contraction pain from inside :P As I knew I had to berpantang afterward, memang no yummy food allowed right.

After the incident, I tried my best to berpantang and adjusted to life kerja at office and jadi full time wife during waktu malam, haha. Maklum lah before, as I worked in school I can say that not lah that tired compare kerja at office. Tengahari dah balik, then boleh kruihhh kruihhh nap petang, malam boleh dinner or not sebab I on my own jer.

July 2013-
Out of nowhere, DH's friend asked us if we would like to join him/his wife on treatment cara Ruqyah/Islamik at one place in Kuching. We joined, it was pretty scary tengok pesakit-pesakit kerasukan jin. Huhu, so takut! I was on my period during the treatment, and we only been there for 2 times, as Ramadhan is approaching :)

By the end of July, tetiba I rasa why in the world I haven't got my period yet (like mencari alasan to escape puasa, hihi..apakah). Being an avid tester, I POAS two days before my period was due and as least of my expectation, I got the faint positive line. Kebetulan on that day I had an appointment with obgyn at General Hospital due to my recurrent miscarriages, I consulted to her on the faint positive line but only to be kena marah sebab "getting pregnant too soon". Pfft! But later another test turned out negative after done at Makmal Hospital.

August 2013-
I tested again after a day late of my period, and I got big fat positive lines. Both DH and me done nothing on this sebab perasaan excited is very kurang, due to our history. I just make sure I eat right and clean, in case ada someone in the womb, haha :)

Late August, I went to Klinik Naluri to have myself checked. Macam biasa, my pregnancy cause some drama but finally the doctor agreed to scan my abdomen after I convinced her with all the reasons in the world why she have to check me (and my womb).

First heartbeat ever from our singleton! .............out of four pregnancies :)

September 2013-
I registered at Klinik Ibu dan Anak, and another follow up at General Hospital Obgyn Clinic. Sayangnya tak dapat jumpa doctor yang marah I for "getting pregnant again too soon". Morning sickness for me is around post-Asar until midnight and literally I "enjoy" every bit of it (and waking up crying as nauseous is part of it).

30 September 2013- I am 13 weeks today! Alhamdulillah :) 

So, that's it :) All praises to Allah for all the blessings He gives to us. 
Lain masa I update lagi okie :)

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Positive affirmation for fertility: Let's affirm and conceive!

Disclaimer: This article is just a copy and paste one from a website, place in my blog so that I can easily read and re-read and affirm it to myself easier than Google it all over again. That's it.

Strategy: To affirm myself positively esp before my sleep time or after Subuh prayer when my subconscious me starts to take over. Blend in some zikr and supplication that promote fertility with doing the affirmation (Ya Musawwir, Ya Wahab...). Peform Solat Dhuha. Read Surah Al-Waqiah and Ar-Rahman after Maghrib, Al-Mathurat after Subuh and Asar. Somehow I wish I could perform Solat Tahajud too, with a session of Istighfar. Rabbi yassir wa la tuassir. Aamiin.

Affirmations For Physical Healing

The following are positive affirmations that will help bring healing and balance in your physical body.
I trust my body.
New balance is coming to my body now.
My reproductive organs work in perfect harmony with my body to allow an easy conception.
Every time my period comes I rejoice in the fact that my body is functioning correctly.
My hormones are perfectly balanced and my menstrual cycles are becoming more and more regular.
My eggs are healthy and happy to be released during my next ovulation.
I ovulate around day 14 and my fertility signs are very clear to me.
My body knows how to conceive a healthy baby.
The most perfect egg is preparing to be released by my ovary and the most perfect sperm is preparing to fertilize it.
I allow new beginnings in my life.

Affirmations to Release Mental Blocks

At the mental level you often see how your mind introduced thoughts of worry, fright and insecurity that weaken your will and your hope for the future. Positive affirmations will help you increase mental strength and release old thinking patterns that no longer serve your life purpose.
I trust and I love myself.
I accept the gift of life within myself.
I willingly release old thinking patterns based on fear and self-doubt. I allow new ones based on love and self-confidence.
I now choose positive thoughts that nurture and support my life.
I accept the responsibilities of motherhood (fatherhood) and I know I will rise to the occasion when the time comes.
I am now a loving parent to myself.
I focus on the power of now.
I release fears about age and time.
I set my worries aside and I allow my body to do its job.
I surrender to the power of nature as I celebrate a new cycle of birth within myself.

Affirmations For Emotional Healing

Positive affirmations are very useful in counteracting negative emotions that pull you down. Sadness is a very common emotion in couples who cannot conceive, but it can hinder your fertility.
I now release all emotional blocks that prevent me from conceiving a baby.
I now release all unwanted built-up emotional patterns that prevent me from connecting to my inner self.
I am now becoming more and more confident about my ability to become a mother (father).
I now release all my fears and concerns about infertility and I declare myself fertile.
As my sadness lifts away a renewed sense of hope settles in my heart.
I express my feeling and I share them with my partner.

Affirmation For Life Style Changes

The following positive affirmations will help you and support you while you make the necessary life style changes to increase your fertility.
I choose a healthy life style that enhances my fertility.
I drink plenty of purified water every day. I am hydrated and healthy.
I choose healthy foods every day. I now crave only foods that increase my well being.
I am very energetic and I channel my energy in positive ways.
I educate myself about a healthy pre-conception life style.
I eat lots of fresh fruits and vegetables every day.
I take natural vitamins and minerals my body needs to increase my fertility.
It is easy for me to avoid alcohol, too much coffee and unhealthy food choices.
I easily avoid hydrogenated, highly processed foods and I enjoy simple foods made by nature.
I educate myself on the power of eating raw whole foods.
I love my new healthy life style.

Affirmation For Manifesting A Baby

Positive affirmations help you manifest into your life what you have desired for so long. It is time to allow the manifestation process to take place.
The universal life force brings me new creative energy.
I welcome my time to be a parent.
I graciously accept my creative powers.
I allow the creative forces within me to be released.
I allow my creative energies to work through me and bring me a healthy pregnancy and baby.
I deserve the best outcome and with joy I am thankful of a new life.
I experience a profound connection to the miracle of life.
I now manifest my decision to have a baby.
I visualize having a baby.

Affirmation to Heal with Light and Energy

There is a subtle energy field that surrounds your physical body. This energy field is life giving and it is often referred to as the life force. Good health is achieved when the life force is balanced and allowed to flow freely. When it is blocked and unbalanced, it leads to dis-ease. The following positive affirmations are meant to assist your healing journey by using light and energy. If you like to usehealing crystals, place a rose quartz crystal on your heart area.
I allow the light to cleanse away all my fears, indecisions and concerns regarding pregnancy, delivery, and parenting.
I allow harmonious energies to heal me in this very moment.
I am open to new energies and I allow new life to enter my life.
I visualize the color pink surrounding me and bringing me love.
I now access my spiritual abilities and intuitive perception.
I visualize a bright white light cleansing away all my fears and negative thoughts.
I am safe and I am loved.

Affirmation For Fertility & Angels

Angels are part of the universal force of Love & Light as they are spiritual energy beings. You do not have to believe in their existence, you just need to be willing to ask for their help and support. You will be surprised how much love and light they can bring into your life. These positive affirmations will help you surround yourself to their love and healing energies. Expect miracles!
I ask the angelic healers to remove any block that prevents me from getting pregnant.
I surround to the healing forces of the universe.
I ask Archangel Raphael to deeply heal my mind, body and soul now.
I ask the Angels for guidance and protection every day.
I am thankful for all I am and all I have. I am at peace.
I am thankful to God and the Angels for their help, protection and guidance.
I listen to my inner guidance and I act based upon my intuition.
I listen to subtle messages that the universe is sending me so that I can find the right therapy for my case.
I ask Archangel Michael to guide and protect me at all times.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

I am fine.

I finally conceived by the end of December 2012.
Hubby and me both knew it was the aftermath of our 2nd anniversary honeymoon.
But the pregnancy only lasted till the 6th weeks.
1st January, I swore I felt some cramping at my abdomen area, thought it just a regular tummy ache and the urge to go to the toilet.
But it was a bleeding that sent me to the emergency ward, and admitted for the damn 5 nights.

It was a miscarriage again.
The second one.

I am fine by now.
Because I still have my beloved and supportive ones by my side, anytime and everytime I need them.

But, I still have my what ifs:
What if I never feel another heart beat inside of me next time around?
What if I am not able to cradle another soul inside of me?

But, whatever what ifs,
I am fine.

inshaa Allah :)

Saturday, October 6, 2012

What is exactly your problem

...when I am not pregnant yet?

Tajuk autobiografi: Saya sebatang batang pisang
Look at the "Like" hits, a great number as if I am announcing a pregnancy.
Thanks for those that feel me in this situation :)
Thanks for those that given me comfort words out of this :)
and thanks to those that tried to bring me down when I am so grateful with what I have in my life now :)

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Fifty Shades of Grey

It is my latest read, Fifty Shades of Grey is currently a best seller around the world. As much as I wanted so much to purchase this book at bookstores last weekend, I found myself not buying it. I even searched for it to buy online at, but I can't trust myself to be that patience to wait for the book to arrive.

I even told my hubby that, "I need to read that book, and being this far from town; the most possible way to get it is to buy it online. But I can't wait that long for the book to arrive because I want it in my hand right now, I need to read it like now!!". And my hubby just replied, "Ughh, I can't understand you.." Oh, man~~

And LUCKILY last night, as I goggled stuff randomly online, I typed for Fifty Shades of Grey pdf and voila! I found myself downloading the e-book. A wish came true indeed. And today, I am a happy reader.

Fifty Shades of Grey is a 2011 erotic novel by British author E. L. James. Set largely in Seattle, it is the first instalment in a trilogy that traces the deepening relationship between a college graduate, Anastasia Steele, and a young business magnate, Christian Grey. It is notable for its explicitly erotic scenes featuring elements of sexual practices involving bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, and sadism/masochism (BDSM).-source: Wikipedia. 

Oh, got BDSM meh? I dunno that's in the book, haha. And there's some jokes on the book, LOL!

Haha! Wanna read it on e-book? Just e-mail me at
I don't mind to share. Sharing is caring, caring is sexy! I'm so vanilla now :)

Beutskin Essence

Being a supplement junkie I am, I have to share my latest beauty booster. Well, no surprise sebab dah mention kat tajuk tu, Beutskin Essence (BE)! Jadi, sebagai seorang Muslimah yang try my best to adhere to Islamic lifestyle, semuanya mestilah dimulakan dengan niat yang baik. Inna ma a'malu bin niyat. So my intention to try BE is first, to cantikkan and sihatkan kulit till some extend, I need not to slab myself with make up to cover up those imperfections on skin, and secondly to regulate my womanly hormones so that I can have my monthly period and conceive naturally. 

So, kesimpulannya, I nak cantik and nak ada baby. Jadi, I pun mula mengorbankan gaji saya setiap bulan untuk beli BE. To cut it short, I am a satisfied consumer.

Beutskin Essence

So far, the positive effects that I personally experienced from consuming Beutskin are:
  • pimples clearing up: ada sekoloni pimples at random spots on my face yang dah clearing up after few days consuming BE
  • my face become well-moisturized and less oily: tiada kekeringan though I berumah di hotel selama sebulan in September
  • no eye-bag or dark circle: saya suka, mata nampak terang bersinar
  • my pores seem to shrink: especially bahagian pipi, so make up nampak rata and cantik
  • and again, no major break out (pimples, redness): no break out before and after period
  • fairer and glowing skin: saya perasan yang skin especially at my arms and hands nampak cerah gebu gittew
  • getting my period on time: this was unexpected!! cycle I yang terumbang-ambing in 2012 telah kembali kepada cycle buku teks biologi, which is 28-30 days. So mine was 30 days this month. Jadi, if cycle dah okay, all you need is jaga diet harian and babydance dengan riang gembira :)
Look! Banyak yang positifkan :) So saya berharap niat saya tercapai dengan consuming BE. Kulit yang gebu, period yang stabil and dapat baby yang chomels.

Jadi, if my friends pun ada concern like me, jom try BE :) I only truly share something good which I tried. At time I think I wanna give up TTC, I found BE. I hope my dream of having a little family on my own will come true. Aamiin.

p/s: Like our Beutskin Essence Kuching page at FB, to get more info on BE. We sell trial pack too.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012


Yay! I'm back with paisley pattern on my blog. Hope this new background will give me a renew spirit and flair to write. Finger crossed!

Paisley is a droplet-shaped vegetable motif of Persian origin. The pattern is so IN right now, and it guarantee an adorable look if you wear or use anything paisley.

A pink paisley Nadine maxi dress by I am a proud owner of this piece :)

Paisley maxi dress on woman, very beautiful!

Paisley bedding for baby, aww..cuteness!

Lastly, paisley tie on Chuck Bass! OMG OMG! I loike :D